Extra, Extra!

skimm-fb-logoDo you ever find yourself in a conversation with “smart people” discussing today’s current events and have no clue what they’re discussing? If you’re reading this blog, I’d like to think we’re like minded and your answer is yes.

So do I!

I actually find myself in this position a lot all of the time.  It’s mostly my bad because I find Andy Cohen to be the most interesting news source around right now. And I’m pretty sure that important world events in Bravo-land only translate to how Bethenny and Heather got into it at the table at Dorinda’s birthday dinner the other night. Which, for the record, I’m #teambethenny because too much.

It’s also because let’s be real–we’re amongst friends–the news is boring. And sad. And depressing. And pretty much “the sky is falling” and who wants to be Chicken Little all the time, anyway?

So, I was looking for a way to get the most current events in a quick, chick-lit type manner that will actually explain the issues to me, but that I can be finished with by the end of my cup of coffee.

Enter The Skimm.  This is life-changing, y’all.  Just like how I said unroll.me was life changing, so is this.  Two best friends (who happen to be news producers) sit down to give you a quick update in a pop-culture vernacular that hits your inbox first thing each morning. In addition to this, they also give you cheat sheets.  Today I read up on fracking.  I live in Texas and pretend to know everything about it. Even what that dang word means when thrown out in conversation. Thanks to The Skimm, now I actually know a little bit about what that is. And that makes me feel like more of a Texan.

The best part is, you can follow them via email newsletter, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Whatever your little high-tech social media-minded heart wants it shall receive.

So what does this mean? You, too, can be up to date on all of the “smart things” and still have your Andy Cohen fix. It’s truly the best of both worlds. Reality and REELality, that is.  #getskimmed

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A Few Pop Culture Updates…

So Kimye is having another baby.  She’s beyond excited, y’all.  The rest of us just really want to know what she’s going to name it.  I’m guessing it’s going to be unique, what do you think?  I think they could also capitalize on hashtags if they went with “Baby SXSW”….or South by Southwest for those of you who needed a translation.  There is some mileage to get out of that one, you have to admit. And baby North (who will probably be slighted with just one name) seems just stoked about it as seen here. I mean…they really all do.

kimye.imgI’d be confused, too, North.  Especially because I wonder if her dad’s everyday vernacular is as bleeped out as most of his current live performances.

Anyway, enough about them. Let’s move onto Bruce.  (These Kardashians have put out a lot of news lately.)

Today, Vanity Fair went public with their new cover of Bruce as Her, complete with the name reveal. She is now called Caitlyn and I have to say, she looks pretty good. Better than I thought.

BruceAlso…as if we hadn’t had enough from the “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy, author E.L. James is penning a new novel for the series. From Christian Grey’s point of view.  Basically a “why are you so weird” and “how did you get this way” perspective.

It should be interesting?

Oh, and Paul McCartney isn’t smoking pot anymore. There goes any chance for a Sgt. Pepper’s remake. You have to respect the guy though. He’s a parent and a grandparent and has made the decision so that he can set a good example.

That’s all I’ve got for today! If you’re disappointed with that, take a look at Saturday’s post.  It’s long-winded and should satisfy you until my next chronicled adventure. If you’re still reading.  🙂

Help Hays County!

Want to help support the relief efforts in Hays County? Buy one of these precious shirts! 

  
100% of the profits go to the Hays County Disaster Recovery Fund. And they’re super cute! Tanks, tees, kids shirts and men’s shirts. Check it out and help our friends and neighbors. Link is here.

Sunny Saturday

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but we’ve had a little rain in South Texas lately.  While great for the plants, aquifer and lakes it has come in the form of some violent storms and left behind mass destruction, in the likes that the state has never actually seen before. Families and friends are left with the heartache of missing and lost loved ones and we are bracing for yet, more rain. Keep our dear state and residents in your thoughts and prayers.

As a result of all of this rain, the mosquitoes, bugs, and pests have been basking in the glory.  Which led to an amazing call from my sister and her husband yesterday about help taking care of a rodent problem.  I’ll just say that they used to have a brand new spatula and woke up yesterday with about half of one.  Gross.

Side note: this is what husband and his family do for a living. Shameless plug: they’re the best and you should call them. You can find more info here. They have a wonderful and environmentally conscious (and pet friendly) pest control business. And if you live in South Texas you want them around.  I have the cutest bug guy, just saying.  🙂  I thought I should give you a little background as to why Husband was called on to help handle this. My sisters husband, The Counselor, is a very manly guy, but he’s an attorney and likes sticking to that manner of business. I don’t blame him. We share a distinct hatred for snakes, rodents and the likes and I think our bond is stronger for it. Also, he gets all of the “oops I got a parking/speeding/texting ticket” questions so it evens out.

Back to the story. I go by my sisters house yesterday on my way home from work because Husband is there helping them out and it’s Friday afternoon and time for a celebratory cocktail. (But not for Poops because of the little nugget she’s getting ready to have.) So I walk in and Husband is in his happy place. Climbing behind things, searching through those strange house nooks and crannies that we all like to ignore because where the heck does that hole lead to, and getting into general dirtiness that we girls just aren’t having.

Before we left yesterday, my sister and her husband’s house was an obstacle course of rodent trappings and we were all just hoping that their lab, Ellie, didn’t go nose first into a glue trap. It’s highly likely and I’m still waiting for it. She’s curious.

So there was no surprise this morning, only COMPLETE AND TOTAL EXCITEMENT when Poops called and said “Y’all need to get over here. We got one.”  So off we went, me along for the ride, to see what they caught.

Over the next hour of watching the extraction of the culprit several emotions rushed over Poops and I. I’ll walk you through them.

1)  Hysterical laughter:  watching Husband on the floor face to face with a LIVE rat and The Counselor several feet back with a hand saw, a drill and work gloves on will get you an ab workout like you’ve never had before. There are pictures and a video, but I’d like to stay in good graces with The Counselor so this story is enough.

2)  Fear:  when we heard the words LIVE rat.  I thought for a fleeting minute that I might become a midwife because Poops was getting so freaked out and worked up about it.

3)  Anxiety: for my own future. Seeing the look of love for ones job so clearly and fearlessly in Husbands eyes as he worked made me instantly scared of our own future children.  What will they be scared of if their dad can handle a live rodent? Dear Lord….help me.

4)  Relief:  Poops and The Counselors home is safe again.  This thing had escaped a trap and was living under their refrigerator while they moved around like normal all morning. The criminals are gone and the people can rest easy.

So I’d say that it was a pretty exciting morning for everyone.  Now we’re off to try and soak up some vitamin D before the clouds roll back in and we all retreat to our couches for movie night and food that is bad for us but delivered to our doors because we couldn’t possibly get out in this weather.  Stay safe and dry everyone!

Blogger People Problems

I had the BEST post going about our mini-moon to West Texas and this dummy hit the back button and deleted the whole thing. Thanks a lot WordPress!!

It’s not really their fault.

Anyway, I’m going to try to recreate it but wanted you to know that I was ATTEMPTING to own up to my promises from the sabbatical and my efforts were thwarted.

I’ll try again. My mom taught me that.

bye felitha

#TBT and The Fall.

So…here’s my attempt at a redo for this post. After being about 2/3 finished, I was an idiot and hit the back button on my browser. And there went my entire post. Since then, I’ve had a Diet Cherry Coke and have decided to try again. Here goes nothing. And pictures.

Sitting on the couch last night aching from a tremendous workout that morning I remembered that I had never actually blogged about our mini-moon we took to West Texas right after the wedding.  I believe I was thinking about this because typing seemed to be the only movement that didn’t hurt.

Since we got married March 14th, which was the middle of Spring Break for us Texans and the rest of the world, Husband and I decided not to head out on a big honeymoon right away so as to avoid outrageous prices and people. Not that we don’t both enjoy some amazing people watching, but we just weren’t really into an MTV sponsored honeymoon.

Side note: who else misses MTV Spring Break?? The. Best. Trash. I remember LOVING when that would be the only thing on their channel for about 3 weeks straight. Or was it a month?  Or does anyone on that channel really even work ever? (I would have made an incredible VJ.)

Anyway, throwing out all advice from our friends and family who had already walked down the aisle and said we’d be exhausted, we decided that a 5 hour drive the morning after the wedding would be a piece of cake. Turns out everyone is actually right!  But despite feet that burned like I was walking on coals, knots in my hair, and a bread crumb trail of bobby pins falling from my head, we got on the road.  On the wings of adrenaline and Whataburger taquitos we made it safely to Marfa, Texas. Seriously, one of the coolest places on earth.

Something you should know about small towns: they’re closed Monday–Wednesday for the most part. I don’t know if everyone is sleeping, cropping, or tending to the cattle but I believe that their little city councils get together and decide “Hey Tom, you’re going to be our Monday breakfast restaurant, Jill, you’re on for Tuesday, and Bobby, you get Wednesdays.” And literally decide that for every meal. Probably so that you can visit with everyone over coffee, diet coke, tea, or whiskey for each meal without having to try to hard. Because also, cell phones don’t work. It’s sort of genius, actually. It’s like a cattle drive for people and socializing. And local business profit margins.  Until Thursday when everything opens like a festival and everyone’s happy and singing Coca Cola commercials in the streets! And then Sunday evening everything shuts down and we begin again.

That being said, it was a wonderful challenge as an event planner to plan our Sunday–Tuesday trip around these hours.  We made it and we ate and found drinks, don’t worry.  However, since so many things were not open we were forced to find some adventures of our own.  Which tallied us up to about 10 hours of driving in the beautiful West Texas countryside over the course of the next few days. We saw almost every town in West Texas and had lots of conversation and laughs along the way leading us to believe that marriage isn’t so hard, y’all!  😉  Unless your iPhone maps stops working. Then things could get dicey.

Here are a few of the gems we found on our day trips:pradaNope, not a real store but a very cool art installation stocked with merchandise from the designer line. Prada Marfa is definitely something to drive out and see and you can read more intelligent things about it here.  And while we were there, this happened:

initialsIt didn’t really. We found it. And yep, those are my new initials (sort of). But I didn’t do this because I’d never.  Ironically, we did find that Husband had been doing some of his own tagging.  We’re all over Marfa, baby.

sterling initialsOne of my most favorite bar/restaurants in the town is called Planet Marfa. It’s run by some folks from our hometown, oddly enough, and is truly a sight to be seen. Great people, great drinks and food, and great people watching including artists, hipsters, posers, and cowboys coming off the ranch. And yes, that’s a teepee with a fire pit inside.  You should see the actual school bus on the other side of the joint, coincidentally with a working (and loud) horn.

teepeeAfter we wrapped up in Marfa, we drove about an hour to stay in Marathon, home of the Gage Hotel and the nearest point of civilization to Big Bend National Park. For those of you wondering, Big Bend is beautiful, very big, and very bend-y. And I may or may not have slept through about 2 hours of the drive across it because sunshine, plus Jerry Jeff Walker on repeat, plus winding roads equals snooze.  Also, JJW has been banned in our household for probably the next year because of the lack of CD options (who has these anymore?) and the lack of satellite radio connectivity for said drive through the park.  You really can only hear “Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother” so many times before it starts to do something to a person.

Because we’re cool, and made friends in high places at dinner, and I was on sabbatical still, we decided to extend our stay in Marathon another night. We just hadn’t hit all of the open spots yet, y’all, and I was real curious as to what happens on Wednesdays in Marathon.  Like, were people going to start cranking up? Do the blinds go up on all the stores and birds chirp louder? Are there really multiple lunch options? Burning questions.

I gotta tell ya, it’s a good thing we did stay. Because Monday night was the night of The Fall. And I’m not sure we could have hopped back in the car together so quickly afterwards.

Have you seen that commercial that I suddenly can’t remember what for, where the husband and wife hear the Dirty Dancing song and joke about her running to him for the lift? And then she does and he’s not expecting it? And they Chris Farley the table? And she explains that she came in too hot?

That was ripped off from us on our mini-moon.

I kid you not, having many a cocktail at the White Buffalo Bar, enduring the monsoon going on outside and contemplating the quickest and driest way to get back to our room, the following took place.

Husband and I start running down the sidewalk (me in new, precious, light-colored Tory Burch wedges and white jeans–I’m painting a picture for the ladies) we get to the gravel/dirt road that is puddled with mud.  My new husband, trying to be the chivalrous man that he really actually is (no lie), says to me “hop on my back, I don’t want you to RUIN YOUR SHOES.” Which is enough to make any woman swoon because shoes are our love language. (And jewelry, and perfume, and handbags–if anyone important is reading.)

I’d like to preface this with, this is something he has done for me before. It’s not a heavy thing, it’s not a he’s not strong enough thing, it was sheer stupids with too many martinis in them.

So he says to hop on his back and without counting (my mistake) I did. And we went down like Clark Griswold on a ladder, folks. Backwards. On top of me, directly on my bracing wrist. In my white jeans and cute wedges. In the pouring rain and dirty mud. That looked like poop on my pants the next day. (Praise God for Oxyclean.)

Well let’s just say that a lot of sobbing ensued. I thought I had broken my wrist, and there was a stomping of sorts about 6 feet in front of him all the way back to the room as he tried desperately not to laugh as hard as he wanted to and some drunken attitude coming from me. (My family will read this as “TONS OF ATTITUDE AND LOOK OUT”, which is a fair assumption.)

The next day I woke up with a purple hand, Husband wanting to take me to the ER, and realistically only a really bad case of severely bruised ego.  My hand ended up fine and we have a great story from the mini-moon for the future kids. The next day when tempers had cooled, of course. ‘Cause it wasn’t funny in the moment. To me.

Unfortunately, I have no pictures of this event for you as that clearly might have led to divorce at the time of the incident.  However, here are a few other fun collages of places we went and landscapes we saw. If you ever have a chance to head out west, do it.  You won’t regret it. Unless of course, you come in too hot.

Marfa 2  Marfa1

Also…I’d like to go on record saying that the second post was WAY better than the first.  #winning

What day is it?

 
Is it possible that someone could write me one of these for work? 

In all seriousness does anyone know what day it is? These short weeks, though awesome as they are, always have me totally turned around.

For instance, I’ve made two sets of plans for the same night twice now. Don’t worry, everything is straightened out and no one was hurt. (Except my ego. And my gmail calendar.)

Also, I have thought my hair appointment was tomorrow, day after tomorrow and then tomorrow again. (It’s really tomorrow and if you’re reading this I will be there.) Because a reschedule in that department is not just near impossible but also quite literally makes you look like an idiot.

Or Shakira back in the major dark roots days.

That may still be what she does, I don’t know for sure because she’s not on The Voice now.

Anyway, if someone could get back to me on where I’m supposed to be tomorrow and push me along until Friday at 5, that would be great.

Kthanksbye.

😘

Best headline yet…

I am sometimes so seriously envious of news writers. Not always, because a lot of the time the news can be a snooze-fest or really sad, but today in particular I am jealous.

And here’s why.

MSN headline on the homepage: “Oklahoma man pleads guilty in deadly ‘atomic wedgie’ case.”

I think I could stop there, but you have to click the link and read this article. Allegedly drunk, this guy gives his stepdad an atomic wedgie because he said something unsavory about the guys mom. And it kills the stepdad.

An atomic wedgie, if you don’t recall from junior high vernacular, is when you pull someones underwear from the back, over their head, and tuck it under their chin.

Apparently there was some built up aggression and issues that had not been worked out either with a therapist or school counselor. And it’s a great life lesson to learn, kids: talk about your problems before you give someone a deadly wedgie. Even Daniel the Tiger has a song about it. Or frustration. Or something. I’m not sure because it drives me nuts to hear it.

What I mean is, if you’re lucky enough to be paid for writing articles about atomic wedgies, you’ve pretty much hit the jackpot. And perhaps a career high.  And I’m not sure how you really ever come back from that.  What do you get next? A live report on slam books and behind the gym smooches?  This is fast-acting news, folks.

In other news, I am back at work and back to reality.  And I have to say that I do feel rested and refreshed and very thankful to my company for the opportunity to get away for a while.

And maybe like the minor issues that used to leave me talking to myself my computer screen might not get to me in the same ways now that I’ve had a timeout from everything.

At least I hope so. Because the last thing anyone needs is to wind up in HR or jail because of a deadly noogie.

Island Time, Mon

And Happy Cinco de Mayo!! Currently, this is my view:

  
I’m on a little last hurrah beach trip with my parents because, sob, my sabbatical ends Monday. Husband is at home holding down the fort and feeding the dog, bless him. I’m sure he’s ready for my faux summer to end.

Probably all of you are thinking, “hmm, sabbatical is almost over and we’ve gotten about 6 (maybe) blog posts out of it.” To which I see your point since originally that was the purpose of my time off.

I’ll share with you the following things I have also spent my time doing:

  • Organizing all new gift items and finding room for them in our home (which also meant going through every cabinet and drawer to get rid of the old stuff)
  • Writing ALL thank you notes. That’s right, I’m up to date now
  • Re-doing our bedroom (new bedding, art, etc) pics to follow
  • Painting my kitchen chairs AND recovering the seats myself. If you have never used a staple gun you just haven’t lived. 
  • Painting my drawers in our bedroom–this was a daunting task. Mostly because I used a “one coat paint” which ended up needing 4. 
  • Changed my name….on EVERYTHING. I know I’m not the first to do this but good NIGHT you put your name on a lot of things.

So, as you can see I haven’t been slacking, but rather nesting and getting our new life in one home set up. Hopefully no one (read: my employer) can fault me for a slight change of focus during my time off. I’ve been pretty productive, just not online.

I have really enjoyed getting back into the blog and will definitely try to keep my focus and continue posting. (Applause heard round the world.) And I do still hope to possibly write more in the future…and a book is still not out of the question. I’m sure all of you agree and you just can’t get enough of this blog and much like “Entourage” are hoping for a full-length version in the near future. 

On that note, back to the beach and my third cup of coffee at 10am where the hardest decision is what to eat for lunch. I’ll leave with you a pic of the newly painted furniture. Unfortunately I didn’t have the forethought to take a picture before I painted it. Clearly my brain is still on sabbatical…and hopefully it gets the memo on Monday.

  

Went to the Chapel…and We Got Married!

Wedding 1Thursday night I opened a much anticipated email from our wedding photographer, Darcie with Innovative Photography. (She’s amazing and there’s a link to her website. Use her!!)  I spent about an hour, with Pandora playing in the background, reviewing pictures from our wedding day with a large glass of pinot noir. What?

I had a blast going through all of the pics not just to see everyone but to actually get to relive the whole day. You always hear it from everyone “it goes by so fast!” “soak it all up!” and if you’re like me you kind of took those sentiments to heart but also thought there was no way you wouldn’t remember every aspect of the (so far) most important day of your life. I thought for sure I would remember so much more. And it really REALLY wasn’t because of alcohol! It just literally went by so fast and was a total blur. So going through the pictures was a little bit like going back in time and getting to do it all over again, without all of the nerves.

Which there were! Not because of anything specific but mostly because of all the PEOPLE, y’all! Holy moly…I don’t like the attention of “Happy Birthday” being sung to me in a restaurant, so gearing up to stand in front of 300+ people to say the most important words to my almost husband seemed really overwhelming. And public speaking doesn’t really bother me. Husband and I were laughing at the pictures because you can literally see the nerves draining from our faces throughout the slideshow. We look so much more relaxed post-ceremony, and then post-first dance, cake cutting, etc. we look like different people. Our usual selves, I guess, but much fancier.

The entire weekend was incredible and more than I could have ever asked for. Surrounded by so many close friends and family, we had an amazing rehearsal dinner complete with steel drums and a selfie stick. There were the perfect amount of heartfelt speeches and a wonderful meal.  My mother-in-law did an amazing job and everyone loved it. (Side note: I definitely hit the long ball with the in-laws, they’re the best.)

The wedding day was one of the most gorgeous March days. Literally. There were very few to precede or follow and if we’d had to tent the reception, well, we might have been in my parents backyard or something with my dad all George Banks-style at the BBQ pit. Because ridiculous is the price of a last-minute tent.  Sure, yeah, let’s just throw a nice car into the expenses of a wedding. So do-able. Only not at all.  And he’s a wiz on the grill, y’all, but you know what I’m saying.

Anyway, it was a gorgeous day and my aunts and grandmother had thrown the coolest brunch for the bridal party. Very relaxing, read: mimosas and bloody’s, and included a masterful creation of a cinnamon roll with bacon and grape jelly somehow worked into it. I can’t tell you how, but I can tell you that I could have had eleventy thousand of them because oh my gosh. Only, potbellies don’t compliment a wedding gown all that well and I needed that baby to zip so we went easy on brunch.

My mom and sisters and MIL and SIL got to the church very early, which was fine by me because I don’t like to rush in situations where some excitement/anxiety is present.  We slowly got ready to the background music of Motowns greatest hits and suddenly everyone was there and it was time to go! The day went by that fast.

I fought off the dirty cry (or as my friend Char says “the stepmom”) as my dad and I headed to the entrance of the church. And then the organ started playing and we were walking down the aisle. And it dawned on me about halfway down that I was walking down the aisle at my own wedding. It was like the day had been forging forward and my mind had finally caught up. We made it smoothly through a beautiful ceremony with no tripping–of words or feet–and in what seemed like 5 minutes we were outside waiting for everyone to take pictures. And were married!!

From that point forward, things went into ultimate fast-forward. We took pictures in the church, we got to the reception, we did our first dance, we cut the cake, we danced ourselves into oblivion with THE most incredible band ever and then it was over and we were leaving.

We’ll briefly skim over the part where our getaway car didn’t show up and we ended up taking the bands black minibus to our hotel instead. Because not much says “romance” like the sound of hydraulics and double-wide doors opening up.  Another great memory is arriving at the hotel (starving) and realizing that we had been given ALL of the to-go food (for my entire family who didn’t eat) and all of the leftovers from both cakes.  And we were heading to West Texas bright and early the next morning.

Those were the only things that went wrong in what was an otherwise insanely happy and perfect weekend, which were no big deal and provide for amazing stories now. It was the best weekend of my life so far because I entered into it with my best friend and left it with my husband. <Insert cheesy here. I know, but I don’t do it to you much. Just go with it.>

Anyway, I’ll leave you with a few other favorite pictures from the night.  I’m not sure why the alignment is so wonky. Yes I am. It’s because I don’t know how to arrange them. Sorry. And I promise to start working on some other posts of substance. Well, length anyway, I’m not sure how much “substance” you get from me. Ever.

Me and my sistahs

                          Me and my sistahs

Wedding Venue

              Wedding Venue

Cake!

           Cake!

Groom's Cake

    Groom’s Cake

More wedding venue...different view

     More wedding venue…different view