Ice Ice Baby

Story of my life right now. Because nothing says “I’m hip and cool” quite like a sciatic/hip injury.  #oldlady

For the past 3 months or so, I’ve had some awful soreness in the muscles in my hip, which everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) diagnosed as a sciatic nerve issue.  Everyone’s a doctor, y’all. Myself included. We’re so lucky that everyone knows how to google Webmd. This is especially awesome because the only time I’ve heard people talk about sciatic nerves is when you’re pregnant, or you’re my grandmother. (No offense!) And I’m neither of those things. Let’s be clear.

So much to my ignorance, this is a thing that everyone of any age can get.  And don’t you especially love those little moments of clarity that your parents can sometimes provide you? You know, the ones that blow your mind because you’ve never heard the words they’re telling you come out of their mouths. Like NEVER. Never, never, never, ever, not even if you’re name were Heather, never.

I experienced one of these moments about a month ago when complaining about this “injury” and my mom (who had heard me talk about it before) pipes in with “Oh, you and I must have weak sciatic areas. I get that all the time.”

What?

I’m sorry. Excuse me, what? I had literally started to worry that I had done some permanent damage during a strenuous cardio-pump class (with 8lb. weights, yeah right) that was going to lead me into an early nursing home tour. Diagnosed music to my ears? Yes. Shocking? Yes. Could have used that info a little sooner, mom! I may have stressed a few years off my life.

So yesterday, I went to see the onsite Airrosti therapist at work to get treated for this issue. It’s an awesome benefit provided to us and I figured, nothing could really hurt worse so I might as well go for it and get on the road to recovery.

WRONG.  This hurt worse.  The sciatic pain had sort of died down in the last week thanks to some religious power-walking so I was thinking I might be in the clear.  Not so much.  If you haven’t heard of Airrosti, you can click this link to learn more. Let me add to their warnings–this is NOT a massage!! This is some DEEP tissue realigning of things (tissue, in fact I think) that leaves you bruised and tender. With some fancy schmancy tape to keep things in place.

Apparently this injury has been a slow burn and wasn’t caused by any trauma pumping that iron in my classes.    I’ve created a slight gap in the ligaments in my hip that connect down into my hamstrings.  Who are also suffering, poor guys. It’s come from too much crossing my legs, too much standing with the weight on one leg or the other, and all kinds of awesome everyday things that I didn’t know were slowly killing me hurting me. I know you’ll all sleep better tonight, knowing that, so you’re welcome.

I left my torture appointment yesterday feeling better and with a handful of exercises and stretches to do for the next few days, along with icing instructions, twice daily. So here I sit, icing my butt/hip/lower back region.  Twice a day. Feeling more and more like an early retiree in Alaska and wondering if you really CAN see Russia from Sarah Palin’s backyard. (That’s a joke. I just wanted an Alaska tie-in.)

But seriously, as my friend Nicole said to me this morning “Isn’t it annoying how the older you get, the easier it is to hurt yourself doing stupid things?  Like walking or moving?” TRUTH. Preach sister. It IS annoying. So everyone do yourselves a favor: take those vitamins, do your yoga, and try not to hurt yourself getting from your car to your desk today.

And don’t be jealous that I’m massively bruised and get to go back in for more fun on Thursday. It should be fun considering I can’t even touch said area without wincing. #recovery

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Sunny Saturday

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but we’ve had a little rain in South Texas lately.  While great for the plants, aquifer and lakes it has come in the form of some violent storms and left behind mass destruction, in the likes that the state has never actually seen before. Families and friends are left with the heartache of missing and lost loved ones and we are bracing for yet, more rain. Keep our dear state and residents in your thoughts and prayers.

As a result of all of this rain, the mosquitoes, bugs, and pests have been basking in the glory.  Which led to an amazing call from my sister and her husband yesterday about help taking care of a rodent problem.  I’ll just say that they used to have a brand new spatula and woke up yesterday with about half of one.  Gross.

Side note: this is what husband and his family do for a living. Shameless plug: they’re the best and you should call them. You can find more info here. They have a wonderful and environmentally conscious (and pet friendly) pest control business. And if you live in South Texas you want them around.  I have the cutest bug guy, just saying.  🙂  I thought I should give you a little background as to why Husband was called on to help handle this. My sisters husband, The Counselor, is a very manly guy, but he’s an attorney and likes sticking to that manner of business. I don’t blame him. We share a distinct hatred for snakes, rodents and the likes and I think our bond is stronger for it. Also, he gets all of the “oops I got a parking/speeding/texting ticket” questions so it evens out.

Back to the story. I go by my sisters house yesterday on my way home from work because Husband is there helping them out and it’s Friday afternoon and time for a celebratory cocktail. (But not for Poops because of the little nugget she’s getting ready to have.) So I walk in and Husband is in his happy place. Climbing behind things, searching through those strange house nooks and crannies that we all like to ignore because where the heck does that hole lead to, and getting into general dirtiness that we girls just aren’t having.

Before we left yesterday, my sister and her husband’s house was an obstacle course of rodent trappings and we were all just hoping that their lab, Ellie, didn’t go nose first into a glue trap. It’s highly likely and I’m still waiting for it. She’s curious.

So there was no surprise this morning, only COMPLETE AND TOTAL EXCITEMENT when Poops called and said “Y’all need to get over here. We got one.”  So off we went, me along for the ride, to see what they caught.

Over the next hour of watching the extraction of the culprit several emotions rushed over Poops and I. I’ll walk you through them.

1)  Hysterical laughter:  watching Husband on the floor face to face with a LIVE rat and The Counselor several feet back with a hand saw, a drill and work gloves on will get you an ab workout like you’ve never had before. There are pictures and a video, but I’d like to stay in good graces with The Counselor so this story is enough.

2)  Fear:  when we heard the words LIVE rat.  I thought for a fleeting minute that I might become a midwife because Poops was getting so freaked out and worked up about it.

3)  Anxiety: for my own future. Seeing the look of love for ones job so clearly and fearlessly in Husbands eyes as he worked made me instantly scared of our own future children.  What will they be scared of if their dad can handle a live rodent? Dear Lord….help me.

4)  Relief:  Poops and The Counselors home is safe again.  This thing had escaped a trap and was living under their refrigerator while they moved around like normal all morning. The criminals are gone and the people can rest easy.

So I’d say that it was a pretty exciting morning for everyone.  Now we’re off to try and soak up some vitamin D before the clouds roll back in and we all retreat to our couches for movie night and food that is bad for us but delivered to our doors because we couldn’t possibly get out in this weather.  Stay safe and dry everyone!

Blogger People Problems

I had the BEST post going about our mini-moon to West Texas and this dummy hit the back button and deleted the whole thing. Thanks a lot WordPress!!

It’s not really their fault.

Anyway, I’m going to try to recreate it but wanted you to know that I was ATTEMPTING to own up to my promises from the sabbatical and my efforts were thwarted.

I’ll try again. My mom taught me that.

bye felitha

Best headline yet…

I am sometimes so seriously envious of news writers. Not always, because a lot of the time the news can be a snooze-fest or really sad, but today in particular I am jealous.

And here’s why.

MSN headline on the homepage: “Oklahoma man pleads guilty in deadly ‘atomic wedgie’ case.”

I think I could stop there, but you have to click the link and read this article. Allegedly drunk, this guy gives his stepdad an atomic wedgie because he said something unsavory about the guys mom. And it kills the stepdad.

An atomic wedgie, if you don’t recall from junior high vernacular, is when you pull someones underwear from the back, over their head, and tuck it under their chin.

Apparently there was some built up aggression and issues that had not been worked out either with a therapist or school counselor. And it’s a great life lesson to learn, kids: talk about your problems before you give someone a deadly wedgie. Even Daniel the Tiger has a song about it. Or frustration. Or something. I’m not sure because it drives me nuts to hear it.

What I mean is, if you’re lucky enough to be paid for writing articles about atomic wedgies, you’ve pretty much hit the jackpot. And perhaps a career high.  And I’m not sure how you really ever come back from that.  What do you get next? A live report on slam books and behind the gym smooches?  This is fast-acting news, folks.

In other news, I am back at work and back to reality.  And I have to say that I do feel rested and refreshed and very thankful to my company for the opportunity to get away for a while.

And maybe like the minor issues that used to leave me talking to myself my computer screen might not get to me in the same ways now that I’ve had a timeout from everything.

At least I hope so. Because the last thing anyone needs is to wind up in HR or jail because of a deadly noogie.

Technical Difficulties…

I just opened my laptop to do a multitude of things (writing a post being one of them) and I keep getting the gray screen and my computer won’t start. 

Have no fear, but hold your horses. I even wrote notes this morning on posts I needed to write.  😩  #typical

Is This Real Life?

 

So.  I’d love to tell you what happened this weekend, but I can’t.  One because it was Poops bachelorette party and you leave it in the vault.  Two, because I’m pretty sure no one remembers.

I can tell you that Port Aransas will never be the same.  I can also tell you that Reba McIntire would be offended by the version of “Fancy” that was “performed” at the karaoke bar Friday night.  And I can also also tell you that I’m fairly certain I’m dying a little inside.

I think the baby says enough for all of us only we never found the formula.  Just the bloody mary mix.

Can’t stop won’t stop, yo.

That’s what the kids say now. I think.

Money, Money, Money, MONEY!!

Somewhere in NYC, Donald Trump is kicking himself for not coming up with this one.  He’s probably yelling “You’re fired!!” at himself over and over again in the mirror.

This is the under construction One57 Tower.  At its completion will be the tallest residence building in NYC.  As well as the priciest address.  Apparently there are only 40 of the 92 units left to purchase and the average price per unit (for a 3 bedroom) is rounding out at about $30 million.  Is anyone else out there thinking what I’m thinking?  Who are these people and what do they do?  I’ll tell you, most are on the Forbes list and I’m certain they do something illegal.  Most of them anyway. All I can say is when are they having an open house?  And I mean with the good wine.

Just So You Know…

…I finally unpacked from our beach trip. That we took a week ago. It’s taken that long for me to get tired of walking over my my own filth and searching through bags for things like my glasses. Or night cream. #disgusting

Sooooo…

…no excuses.

But I’m back now!! And here are a few noteworthy items:

1)  I accidentally bought a camera on eBay this week.  I’m very serious when I say “accidentally.” I did not mean to purchase this item…that day.  Luckily it’s something I’ve wanted forever.  And now it’s an early Christmas gift. To myself.  How precious.

2)  I recently went on the most FABULOUS vacation ever.  I can’t say much more, but it was revitalizing, amazing, I saw famous people, penguins fornicating (disturbing), and heard the song “Like a G6” more time that anyone ever should.

3)  Kate “Almond Joy” and I are still planning our podcast.  We swear.  We’ve also had a blast generating more topics than we’ll ever cover…which means you’ll most likely get one REALLY long podcast that touches on everything under the sun.  And why Gweneth Paltrow needs to make us all feel bad about ourselves by becoming a country singer.  Do you not have enough if your life already, Gwen?  Is this your stab at Madge?  We’ll discuss.

4)  During my work and pleasure travels I’ve been witness to many human oddities.  Like this:

book butt

Really, sir?  Is there NOWHERE else to store this?  I’m sure Frank Waters really appreciates having to park it on the top end of your crack until we all sit down on the plane.

And then there’s this:

woman sleeping

“Just 5 more minutes, boss.”  I’d like to say she was driving cross-country to find her long-lost love, child, pet (insert your own sympathy here) but this was in California.  You’re either just starting or just ending that trip. Is the nap THAT necessary?

That’s all for today. But the holidays are right around the corner, I’ll have a new camera (still a little sick about that one) and there will be stories aplenty.  STAY TUNED!

Throw Your Hands in the Air…and Wave Like You Just Don’t Care!!

Funny thing happened a few weeks ago at work.  Yes, it was a few weeks ago and I’m JUST NOW getting it pen to paper…or fingers to keyboard.  Things have been hectic (more so than usual) which is great, but my hobby has been pushed to the side.  My apologies again!!  Only recently have I realized that someone other than Dear Ol’ Dad is still reading.  In fact, some of you have actually called me out on on the fact that you’ve been visiting DWC and I haven’t updated.  (I’m lookin’ at you, Bev.)  So here goes…

Since these absolutely ridiculous things happen to me on a near-daily basis, I’ve definitely neglected sharing them with you…loyal readers.  To put it lightly, I have a total knack for making a bit of an ass out of myself in public.  Luckily, I seem to be slightly likable so it’s typically passed off with mild embarrassment.  That’s not completely true:  I’m usually pretty embarrassed inside while those around me narrowly escape.

So like I said, it’s a few weeks ago and I’m at work, working through lunch.  This is a new thing as I usually like to leave my four walls for an hour on a regular basis, but it’s just not happening these days.  I digress.  So I’m in line to get a salad from the onsite vendor that day and I’m standing with Avu talking about how we wish we weren’t working through lunch but rather sitting by a pool with a nice boat drink when I think I see a friend of mine walking up the stairs next to us.  I say “think” because the stair railing is slightly completely blocking the guys face. And I say “friend” because what little of the face I can see, I’m about 0–1/2% sure that I know this person.

So naturally, what do I do?  Obnoxiously smile and HUGE wave at my “friend.”  Because that’s what normal people in the corporate professional world do. At work. In the lunch line.

Obviously you have a feeling where this story is headed.  And if you don’t, you need to go back to Day 1 of “Down With Cantaloupe” and get to know me and my luck a little better to truly appreciate this.

As my “friend’s” face is revealed in between stair railings my mind is VERY SLOWLY (and a little too late, I might add) letting me know that in fact, I have no FRIGGIN’ clue who this guy is.  None. At all. Never seen him. Only assume he’s actually employed here. Not even sure about that. That’s how much I DO NOT know him.  Yet my hand is still very high in the air and waving in a back and forth motion and my face is making a “HEY BUDDY!! I’M GOING TO BE AN IDIOT AND SMILE HUGE AT YOU” face. Stop body. Abort mission. ABORT!!

Too late. I turn towards the opposite wall as fast as I can.  And Avu says “Oh my gosh…that guy has the BIGGEST grin.  Do you know him?”  No, no apparently I do not.

Avu:  “Well he’s sure as hell not gonna forget YOU now!!”  And the laughter ensues.

I haven’t seen my “friend” since.  Which is probably a good thing because I really never got a good look at his face.  He could wave like hell at me and I’d probably look for someone behind me.  Or maybe I sit next to him now.  Who knows.

Happy Almost-Friday!! We’re getting closer gang…and I couldn’t be happier!!