I am sometimes so seriously envious of news writers. Not always, because a lot of the time the news can be a snooze-fest or really sad, but today in particular I am jealous.
And here’s why.
MSN headline on the homepage: “Oklahoma man pleads guilty in deadly ‘atomic wedgie’ case.”
I think I could stop there, but you have to click the link and read this article. Allegedly drunk, this guy gives his stepdad an atomic wedgie because he said something unsavory about the guys mom. And it kills the stepdad.
An atomic wedgie, if you don’t recall from junior high vernacular, is when you pull someones underwear from the back, over their head, and tuck it under their chin.
Apparently there was some built up aggression and issues that had not been worked out either with a therapist or school counselor. And it’s a great life lesson to learn, kids: talk about your problems before you give someone a deadly wedgie. Even Daniel the Tiger has a song about it. Or frustration. Or something. I’m not sure because it drives me nuts to hear it.
What I mean is, if you’re lucky enough to be paid for writing articles about atomic wedgies, you’ve pretty much hit the jackpot. And perhaps a career high. And I’m not sure how you really ever come back from that. What do you get next? A live report on slam books and behind the gym smooches? This is fast-acting news, folks.
In other news, I am back at work and back to reality. And I have to say that I do feel rested and refreshed and very thankful to my company for the opportunity to get away for a while.
And maybe like the minor issues that used to leave me talking to
myself my computer screen might not get to me in the same ways now that I’ve had a timeout from everything.
At least I hope so. Because the last thing anyone needs is to wind up in HR or jail because of a deadly noogie.