Oh Lifetime…

I’m sure I’ve written about this in the past, but there just isn’t anything better to beat the Sunday Blues than a day of Lifetime (or LMN, pick your poison) and a cold, dark room.  Coincidentally, this remedy doesn’t just beat the Sunday Blues, but also the Margarita Blues, Vodka Soda Blues, Day-After-A-Friends-Wedding Blues, and famously, the Fiesta Blues. You could call it a cure-all.

I can’t say exactly what it is that makes Lifetime movies such a great afternoon suction.  Mainly because I recognize that they are nowhere near cinematic par, but there is something in each one that can suck you in within 5 minutes and catch you up just as quickly. They’re also all almost the same and usually include a member of some Aaron Spelling cast from the early 90’s or Saved By The Bell.  These are the good ones.

Here are the categories in which you can place pretty much any Lifetime movie:

  1. Biography (of something terribly sad where the protagonist usually doesn’t make it and the mother is fighting in the public court system)
  2. Husband cheating on wife with her best friend (you’d be surprised how many plots can be based on this same premise)
  3. Bad girl/Black Widow seduces men, steals their money, murders them, lather, rinse, repeat
  4. Creepy neighbor turned cyber stalker or regular old stalker (usually the kids are onto this WAY before their oblivious parents who keep walking into the traps)
  5. The feature films that never made even a ripple at the box office (these always get replayed on LMN and let me tell you, they’re pretty good

It’s a delightful lineup that goes perfectly with your favorite glass of pinot noir and cheese/cracker combo.  And the best part is, as soon as one ends another immediately starts up. No waiting, no commercials.  And that’s how you look up and it’s 6pm and your entire day is gone.

Did I leave anything out? What is your favorite time waster?

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