Bikram Yoga…

How I wish I could love thee…

So, I went with Rebdon and Char to Bikram Yoga Tuesday night for the first time ever. I was all geared up, a little confused that there were so many rules, but ready to sweat.

A little back story:  I get pretty severe headaches/migraines. Sometimes out of the blue and sometimes as I’m working out.  I’ve tried tracking them with no success so I was a little apprehensive about being in a 120 degree room sweating everything from now to last year out of my body.  But I love yoga and I was excited.

Below are the accounts of my Bikram Experience for your entertainment.  I seriously could not make this stuff up.

First of all, I loved how it felt and I loved the sweating.  I was rockin’ my way through the class, kinda thinking that this was awesome and would definitely be my new thing as I calculated the gym dollars I’m spending vs. how much this would cost me and deciding if, in fact, it could be fiscally responsible to make it my new thing.

About 2/3 of the way through, and I believe at approximately the Scorpion pose or something, I started feeling a migraine coming on. I tried ignoring it for as long as possible and then decided I might pass out, so I laid on my mat  for a while trying to breathe and hoping it would just go away. (#1 cardinal rule…Thou Shalt Not Stare at People When You Need a Break)

Because I’m stubborn, I kept getting up when I felt just slightly better and continuing the workout which must have just made my body so so angry with me because with about 3 or 4 poses left, I had to collapse on the ground, head pounding, wanting to die. And gasping, hoping, begging for a breathe of cool air.

All of these feelings fell by the wayside when suddenly I got the “oh crap…I’m going to vomit” feeling.  Perfect. Par for the course, I must say.

So, I’m panicking, because the #2 cardinal rule is “Thou shalt not leave the room and let the evil cold air in.”  However, this was quickly becoming a judgment call/emergency. I had to leave but knew that the YOGI MASTER was going to yell at me.

So I figured, who cares! I’m already the girl who had to lie down for the last 1/3 of the class, I will NOT be the girl who puked on herself while drenched in sweat.

So I sprinted out of the room apologizing and ran to the bathroom as the Yogi Master called after me “we are so close to finishing!”  Really dude…I don’t care.  I proceeded to confirm my emergency feelings for a little while and then finally pulled myself together.

As I emerged from the bathroom and tried to just hang out in the lobby for the last couple of poses, the Yogi Master motioned for me to come to him in the back of the room. I figured, “Oh, how nice! he just wants to be sure I’m ok”…not so much.

Here’s what I got instead–“there’s only 5 minutes left, you can finish!” And with a point of the finger I was sent back to my mat. Nice. I hate peer pressure!!

So I half-assed the rest of the poses and we finally end the class with me thinking it’s possible I may not make it to the car.

Yogi Master mentions that he has a gift for Rebdon, Char, and I since it was our first time.  We walk outside to check it out, all the while hoping it’s not a bottle of the nasty coconut milk I see everyone drinking, and Yogi Master calls me OUT in front of everyone.

“I know you!! You’re the girl who left my class! Yyou cannot do that!”  I’m so not even kidding about this.

So, feeling weak, a little sassy, and really ready to go home and eat dinner after 2 hours of intense heat and strange poses I replied “No, I’m the girl who almost puked in your class.”

Yogi Master: “That’s ok! It’s because you’re not used to losing water so quickly.”  Excuse me?!?! Telling me my business, no sir!

Me: “No, I mean that I actually ran out and threw up several times in your bathroom, sir.”

Yogi Master: “Really? Well…that’s ok!”

Me: “Alright. Then next time I know to just do it on my mat in your room.”

Thus ended my Bikram Experience.  Sadly, minus the sickies, I really liked how it felt. And I slept like a rock. And I’ve truly never sweat like that before. And I secretly wish that I could keep doing it!

But sometimes you have to listen to your head…and mine was screaming “eject!”

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