30 Days…Not So Shredded

So remember that time I started Jillian’s “30 Day Shred” workout and thought I’d be shredded, or at least on my way, after 30 days like she said?

Yeah…not so much.

It has everything to do with the fact that Jillian was killing me on a daily basis. As a result, I felt like a total baby…and like I was desperately out of shape.

Since then, (update!) I’ve started jogging…I will not go so far as to say I’m running because, as I’ve researched online, this offends true runners. Anywho, I’m moving faster than a speed walk on a daily (pretty much) basis…and I really like it!!

It’s true. I’ve caught the “running” bug. Never bought into that theory before now.

Anyway, I digress…

So I ran into my friend Katie at my Moo’s house party last weekend (another post I need to write) and we started talking about the blog, and Jillian. She’s been trying the “30 Day Shred” too…and she ended up at the doctor’s office!!

Turns out, Jillian was giving cute Katie stress fractures in her feet from the incessant hopping and jumping and boot-camping.

I had to slow down my Jillian dates due to migraines I got that lasted well through dinner & bedtime. I’m just sayin’….it was intolerable.

Pretty much what we got out of this conversation is that Jillian is killing everyone. Her 20 minute workouts are HARD, painful, and I’d pretty much rather do an hour of working out and not getting massive migraines that last until the wee hours of the night than 20 minutes of sheer torture.

Which I’m almost certain is a direct quote from back when I was in the midst of the regime.


I. O. U.

A few posts…and I realize this. Life has been a little crazy these last few weeks and I’m starting to feel like I’m coming out of the fog…with LOTS to talk about.

Let me recap for you, and for my accountability, some of the posts I’ve promised…

1) East Texas Easter Shenanigans
2) Fiesta
3) This can’t possibly be all
4) Day Party at Moo’s house…
5) 30 Day Shred Update…in a nutshell, it’s been WAY more than 30 days, I’m not shredded, but it’s probably bc I haven’t been doing it.

Geez…I feel like I owe you so much more. I’m sure once I get started you’ll have a novel to read. I write much like how I talk…all over the place, and fast.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and please try and avoid the Swine Flu…sounds nasty…why are we getting infected with animal flu’s?? Are they getting infected with our flu’s?

And tell me which idiots are making out with these pigs to contract this flu and then pass it all over the place. Come on now, people…SICK!!

Pull out your SARS masks and be sure to head for the hills if you start feeling queasy…please.

From Rehab to Parenthood?

This story just baffled me.

Now listen…I love me some Amy Winehouse as much, probably more, than the next girl (which explains the below picture with the sisters) but honestly Amy…a mother you should NOT be.

I don’t really have to go through the list of reasons do I? Ok, I will:

1) Rehab
2) Cocaine
3) Alcohol
4) Beehives
5) Make up tips
6) Rehab
7) That crazy “husband” of yours that’s still in jail…I think
8) That’s all I can come up with right now.

Honey, you make some FANTASTIC music…but you are a HOT mess. Please do not adopt a child from St. Lucia. From someone who has been down that way before…I bet she’d like to stay.

Amy Winehouse Tribute Band

To Add Insult to Injury…

So, this weekend proved to be a little too much fun than I can usually stand. But I stood it….and I earned the hangover that was the inevitable byproduct of it, too. And it was FUN.

Unfortunately, the only pictures taken are absolutely un-show-able. Not because of content, but because they could quite possibly be the least flattering angles and shots of any one of the 4 of us ever taken.

And because I’d like to keep my friends…my dignity, however, is still back at the bar where it will most likely remain for at least a few more days.

I can’t wait for them to come back and do it again.

Moving forward, I decided that what I could really use today (and have been in desperate need of) is a pedicure. Aside from my sister calling me out on Easter weekend for the state of my tootsies, I also have a few parties to attend this week for Fiesta and let’s just say, I can’t go out looking like this anymore.

Nor do I want to end up in a Lloyd Christmas situation. Yikes.

Solution: lunchtime pedicure at a place down the street from work.

So I show up, I’m excited because there are only 2 other people in the whole joint, and I’m seated immediately. Which is good, because I’m a workin’ girl and have very little time for this kind of luxury.

Plus, there’s only so much Tweeting and BrickBreaker that a gal can handle in one sitting. I’m just sayin’.

So I sit down with a sweet, young girl named Courtney, who I just know is about to change my life forever with a foot massage, and she asks the standard “What kind of pedicure would you like?”

“Just the regular one, please. Nothing crazy!”

And I think I’m in the clear–because I always feel bad for some reason when they try to up sell me at the nail salon and I don’t go for it. Why? Who knows.

Anyway, this is NOT the end of this discussion. I’m pretty sure. From this point on, I hear the girl talk to her friend in Vietnamese and I’m POSITIVE she was mocking my “regular” pedicure.

Simmah down now, lady!! We’re in a recession!! People can’t go around dropping more than $30 for a pedicure any random Monday of the week, ok??

Therefore, I spent half of the time sitting there wondering what else she was saying about my poor, neglected feet and feeling slightly uncomfortable about it. And the other half wishing that Frank Costanza had been with me to decipher their conversation:

That would have silenced them. Hopefully right before Courtney poured salt in my wounds and told me I had dry feet. Yes. Thanks Courtney. That’s why I’m here.

Deep Thoughts…by, Me.

I have to apologize…I haven’t posted anything of substance all week. I think it’s what real writers call “Writer’s Block” or something like that…for me, I think we can just call it “White Noise.”

It’s not that this week has been uneventful, it’s just that I’ve been REALLY busy with work, trying to start running again (this is new…and humorous), and getting ready for Fiesta and my friends coming in town this weekend. (Which I’m SO excited about!)

My hope is that the weekend will bring some ironic, tell-able stories that I can document for you come Monday without being kicked off the internet or having you (yes, you 1 person reading this–thanks Dad) delete me from your favorites list. That I’m so sure I’m on, by the way.

What I will do is list a few random thoughts/things that have happened…maybe that will get me geared up to revisit the list and indulge a little more later. Ya know, get the juices flowing.

1) I started running this week. This is something I am horrible at and it usually leaves me winded and nursing a migraine…but for whatever reason, I’ve decided to give it another go. So far so good…and it’s definitely working muscles who’ve been long forgotten.

2) I solved the sandal crisis from the other day. In 6 business days my new gold Tory Burch flip flops will arrive at my front door. Thank you Friends and Family discount!!

3) I think the hoopla over the Obama’s dog is a little annoying. Additionally, I don’t like dogs who’s eyes I can’t see…they seem dodgy. Like they might bite you at any moment.

4) I started “Australia” the other night. I know it got horrible reviews, but I LOVE IT. Granted, I’m not finished with it, but so far it’s very entertaining and I’d like to take the Aborigine boy in it and put him in my pocket. What a muffin!!

5) It’s official. I’ve started getting mosquito bites again. Spring is here. Bugs love me–my mom says it’s because I’m so sweet. I’m considering being meaner this year. Alas, I’m destined to carry travel Off and an anti-itch stick until November-ish. Pray for minimal scarring around my ankle region.

6) A girlfriend just made me laugh until I cried on the phone. My coworkers think I’m certifiable right now…it’s possible that they’re right.

7) Still can’t stand cantaloupe.

8) I can’t wait for the D’s to come in town this weekend!! Yay Fiesta!!

9) I’m really loving cottage cheese & raspberries right now. DE-LISH!

10) I’ve actually run out of things. Oh wait…I’m SICK of this economy. Recessions are no fun and I’m ready for everyone to be in good moods again.

Ok, now I’m done.

Have a great Thursday! I have the day off work tomorrow, so I’ll probably get a good, coherent post in…not this random thought junk I’m subjecting you to today.

Until then…HASTA! (That’s spanish for “Later!”)

Summer Sandals

I swear I’m going to update everyone on Easter in East Texas and post some of the awesome/hilarious/typical stories. (We found a winery that is AWESOME…totally jazzed up the trip!)

But first…top of mind…I want to discuss summer sandals. I have a few that I really really want…but I need opinions and help. And sales.

The first that I’m LOVEing are these. I love Tory…and I’m kinda on a mission to get me some of her adorable sandals this summer.

Alright…so maybe I’m JUST talkin’ Tory Burch sandals. Because here is another pair I’d hug a kitten too tight for.


And let’s not EVEN get me started on her cute tunics… OYE VEH!!

My inbox is currently taunting me with 25, 50, 75% off sales…AND FREE SHIPPING. And if you’ve never been to Retail Me Not you’re absolutely wasting your money.

Think recession…but think summer sandals, too. We don’t have to totally go without!

So help me out here. If you had a cool couple hundred to blow…what shoe would last you through the long, hot, Texas summer? Email me or post a comment and let me know!

The Devil Wears…Harem Pants?

Check. This. Out.

Ooohhh…I’m gonna have to go with a RESOUNDING NO.

I can’t believe this is happening! And Yves Saint Laurent is a part of it!! WHY???

Are stirrup pants and body suits next? What about their friends the button covers? Heck, let’s throw bolo ties back in the mix while we’re at it!

This is a monstrosity for any woman with thighs, let alone fashion sense/common sense.

I’m going to crawl back into my hole with thoughts of banana clips and UNITS on my mind…

Do the Bunny Hop!

So Easter is upon us! This year, my family & I will be traveling approximately 7 hours up the road to a little place called Pittsburg, Texas. My birthplace!! My Mimama lives there on an awesome farm and it’s been the setting of most of my favorite childhood memories.

Imagine lunches at the drug store, hay rides, swimming, horseback riding, mud-slinging, barefoot running through the pasture, skeet shooting, the haunted Holman House, fishing…and let’s not forget…fireworks and gopher holes. An awesome combination.
This year, my sister Moo’s husband will be joining us and meeting Mimama for the first time. It will definitely be an exciting trip and I’m sure that many a memory and a blog post will come out of it.
Like the Christmas a few years ago we spent in The Burg. Upon arriving (and Mimama heading off to bed) the electricity on the farm went out. No big deal, you might say. If you have a flashlight…or a candle available. Neither of which were found. So we played Bingo by the light of our cell phones (which were out of service and deemed useless) and drank wine out of plastic Solo cups. AHHHH….it’s like coming home.
The next day, Christmas Eve, the well/tank/plumbing became backed up…along with the showers. Luckily, living in a small town, we knew the plumber who had to come out on Christmas Eve and trench the yard. Awesome.
A little later in the trip…my brother Creep’s car got stuck (read: battery died) in the middle of what we like to call The Way Way Back (i.e. the back part of the property–very far from the house).
All-in-all, it was a Griswold Christmas and I loved every minute of it. Just like I love every minute spent with Mimama in The Burg.
So here we come Pittsburg…ready for Easter! Only we will not be having an egg hunt (unless my mom decides it’s imperative and reminds her of our childhood…and there’s money in the eggs), we will still be drinking out of styro’s (classy), and we’ll hopefully make it out with electricity, plumbing, and no added pounds from the delightful cuisine choices that are Dairy Queen, McDonald’s, and Papa Nacho’s.
Oh, Pittsburg!

Good Riddance!

My day and mood was just lifted when I read this article.

Dear Blockbuster,
I hope you go down in flames. Because for years you have been a rude, impossible, non-service provider. Netflix is awesome. So is Hollywood Video. You lose. Stop trying to ruin everyone’s credit over a movie.

Sorry for the bitterness but I’ve had 1 too many run-in’s with Blockbuster (and have heard of, oh, so many more from others). It’s about time this monopoly was taken down. And who wants to deal with late fees when you can just drop something in the mail and then have your new movie the next day?

I believe the answer you’re searching for is no one.

Bye Blockbuster. When I’d like to pay $8 for a movie and round it out with a $5 small diet coke, I’ll go to the movie theater.


So, I just finished what turned out to be a crack-like addiction. The “Twilight” series. If you haven’t read them, you should go out and do so immediately–and be sure to dedicate a few weeks (maybe less) to purely obsessing over what happens next.

If you have read them…were they not AMAZING?? I know, I know, y’all think that I’m a tween, teenie-bopper, Tiger Beat-lover, whatever. But these books are G.O.O.D. What’s not to love about a vampire-human love story? Set in high school. With superhuman powers.

I’m just sayin’, I think it’s possibly the best love story since “Titanic”…but whatever.

And, by the way, since I didn’t find myself nose-deep in the Harry Potter series OR Lord of the Rings, I feel that I’m way overdue a youthful series of my own to swoon over.

Anywho, my point is that I’m now in the uber-reading mode and am craving another awesome book.

Do you know of one? Have you read one? Let me fill you in on what I’m looking for…

1) I love “beach books”…meaning, I love semi-mindless reading (i.e. FICTION–because with television, books, magazines, I’m looking for an escape. Nothing too heavy)

2) For some reason, Britain has been mass producing some really great female writers for some time. The tone is very witty, very Bridget-Jones catastrophic heroine, and generally a pretty quick read.

3) I’m actually not that picky. Disregard #’s 1 & 2 and if you have a great book, go ahead and email it to me. I’ll be waiting!!

Send your suggestions to downwithcantaloupe@hotmail.com