You’ll Say "WOW" Everytime!!

Oh yes…yes we will.

The Sham-Wow guy, also known to those who love & adore him as Vince Shlomi (I know, right??), has been involved in a violent confrontation with, well let’s just call her a Lady of the Night. If ya know what I’m sayin’.

The story goes like this:

Sham-Wow Vince has no time to meet a nice lady (we’re assuming) because he’s very busy making messes and showing people how to clean them up WHILST wearing a McDonald’s-like microphone.

Because everyone needs 2 hands to wipe up juice, yes?

He meets a young woman at a Miami Beach nightclub and “propositions” her to be his girlfriend. For the night. (SICK. I have nothing else to say.)

Apparently things went horribly awry when said “lady” clenched onto Sham-Wow Vince’s tongue. Fighting ensued. And Sham-Wow Vince came out saying WOW…only not in the way he was expecting.

Personal opinion, Sham-Wow Vince got exactly what was coming to him because everyone knows by now not mess with these chicks. (Charlie Sheen, Hugh Grant…need I say more?) Only on top of the public embarrassment of having to pay for kisses, Sham-Wow Vince also got the ever living daylights beat out of him.

Bummer.

Check the article out here and enjoy your Monday!

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Wedding Crasher…

I actually am not. It would be kinda awesome though. Anyway, I’m in a wedding this weekend for one of my high school girlfriends and am really excited about seeing everyone.

It’s the same feeling I got a few days ago when I got my first email regarding my 10 year high school reunion. Only I know I won’t get to see all of the random people I don’t keep up with anymore but DEFINITELY am looking forward to getting a gander of.

I digress! So as I was carefully sitting at my desk thinking of what the heck I am going to wear to the rehearsal dinner, and the bridesmaid luncheon tomorrow I started thinking of my favorite movies with weddings in them and just wanted to share.

1) Not only is this a GREAT movie…and I’m pretty sure exemplifies every dad’s first daughter’s wedding, this is a great part. Look at the tension here as the Banks’ meet Bryan for the first time. EVER. And he’s engaged to their daughter. Amazing.

2) Who can forget the hilariousness that ensues when Molly Ringwald’s older sister gets a monthly gift early, pops a muscle relaxer, and ends up drooling on her groom? Classic.

3) And finally…the most fun wedding guests of all. However, I’m sure no one would want them near an open bar:

And lets be honest…who doesn’t love a good wedding?

Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!!

Tales from the Crypt…

Ok, well, not quite the crypt…that might be a little dramatic.

But this is the tale from the kitchen. At my parents house. When my sister decided that Recessionary Times called for Recessionary Measures.

Aka…home hair-do’s.
Before I get into what happened on Sunday, I’d like to give you a little back story on my mother’s alter ego, Chlo-Reen. You see, growing up in deep East Texas apparently supported/provided strong aspirations for teen girls to become hairdressers. Just like Trudy in “Steel Magnolias.” Only without the chest.
So, all my life, I’ve understood and recognized that if my grandparents had even slightly nurtured this desire in my mother, she would have ended up in East Texas Beauty School as opposed to the Theta house at UT in Austin.
And then she wouldn’t have met my dad…unless he had come into Super Cuts for a quick trim before heading out on a date with someone who loved doing their own hair…not everyone else’s.
Long story short, too late, my mom LOVES doing hair. Which is why God blessed her with three girls. She’s done my hair (fixed it) since forever and I always invested the utmost trust in her. Until one summer day when my younger sister Moo and I both wanted perms. (Side note…Moo is half my size and stole my metabolism. Her nickname has nothing to do with her size…and everything to do with a nickname she’s had her whole life.)
Anywho, Chlo-Reen came out again to play and in all of her hair-raising excitement, mixed up the rollers in my and Moo’s perms. Moo (who had very fine, straight hair as a child) ended up getting a head full of huge, one-hour-long-perm-inducing rollers while I (very full, naturally curly hair) ended the day with a head full of stinky, TINY, rollers that gave me a “permanent” (major understatement) which lasted all of 1.5 years.
You would think that this would have killed any shot that Chlo-Reen had at touching my lovely locks ever again. You would be wrong.
However, another fateful day in junior high when my FULL bangs needed a trim–I believe it was probably a Monday and not a salon open in a 50 mile radius–Chlo-Reen was there with excited eyes. And so I entrusted her with the scissors. And lost a very noticeable chunk of my right eyebrow.
That said…the lady loves hair and typically does a might fine job with an up-do. So in these Recessionary Times, Oopster (my youngest sister…we’re big on nicknames in our family) decided that she was DONE–D.O.N.E.–paying for highlights when Chlo-Reen could do them in the kitchen with a cap and some Frost & Glow.
Makes perfect sense. What? This doesn’t happen in your kitchen on a Sunday afternoon?
I, of course, felt it completely necessary to document this process.
You pull the hair through the cap (and yes, you CAN face frame on your own):
Then you paint the bleach on (totally healthy. no fumes. no SARS mask needed):
Then you sit like a cone head for a few minutes (10ish to be exact):
And then you end up just like they do on the commercials…with long, lustrous, beautiful blonde highlights. FOR TEN BUCKS. You just can’t beat that with a stick. Ladies? Am I right?
There were NO suckers born in this house.
Thank you VERY much.

Drink Your Juice, Shelby

So…had a BIG weekend! It involved working out, weddings, movies, and another engagement party–I wish I were a wedding crasher but the reality is that I’m invited to said events. That means gifts, if you’re doing the math in your heads right now.

It also involved a HILARIOUS couple of hours where my mom gave my sister home-highlights. Because who needs to go and spend a month’s salary on a full pack, cut & blow dry when you can do it at home for a mere $10?? NO ONE.

Thank you to Revlon’s “Frost & Glow”, the musings of my youngest sister, me, my camera, and our favorite hairdresser Chlo-Reen (mom) we had a amazing Sunday that I will document for you this afternoon when I upload the pics…and video.

That’s right! You heard correct…I’m going to dabble in Vimeo this afternoon. Wish me luck.

Highlights From Today…Thus Far

Here’s what’s been happening with me so far today:

1) I tried on the b’maid dress yesterday–for the wedding I’m in a week from Saturday. I’m considering sewing my mouth shut for a few years.

2) Due to #1, Creep has now become my personal trainer. We had our first session yesterday. I actually FELL into my seat at work this morning when trying to gently sit.

3) I finally sent off my taxes to the tax guy…one big orange jumpsuit off my back

4) Due to the recession, I’ve decided to “dumb-down” my face products and “Go Grocery Store!” I’ll keep you posted on the effects, but I’m suddenly super excited to wash my face.

5) I also got new running shoes today. Which is a RELIEF because of all the running (none) that I do. I should note that the last pair I bought was my junior year of college. That’s right…2002 quality shoes. (And I really only bought those because my friend True made me.) I didn’t realize they weren’t that comfortable until I tried on my new ones. The wool has been pulled from my eyes–they were pretty dang uncomfortable and worn out.

So to sum things up: I’m not going to jail (yet), hired a personal trainer, extreme dieting, excited to wash my face, and ready to have my butt whipped into shape again this afternoon.

How’s your day going?

Introducing…Winston!


I’d like to introduce, for the very first time on Down With Cantaloupe, Winston! SHE is our 1 1/2 year old miniature English Bulldog…and she’s maybe more favored by my parents that any one of the four of us kids.

Probably because she doesn’t really talk back (except for the occasional Chewbacca-type gargle and head cock). And because she doesn’t ask for much. But mostly because she minds her own business and gives many a face like the one above. A face made for radio.
You see, Winston actually rules my parents’ house. With an iron fist. So much that the two labs don’t even see the light of lamps in the living room anymore.
Winston likes to lounge on the ottomans, lay in the La-Z-Boys, and sleep in your bed with you. Right. Up. Against. You. And she snores louder than a 400 lb. old man. And it’s kinda precious.
 
On my sister’s wedding day, Winston had a wedding dress. I’m thinking that on my birthday, she should get a cake. Or when one of us has a baby, SHE will get the push present. I kid…but maybe not. 🙂 She’s just this loved. She IS the 5th child my parents didn’t dare have.
It’s in days like these, recessionary days, days of beans and spam, that this bright and smiling face is the only thing that can conjure up happiness in me. And then she backs her rear-end up into your legs so that you’ll “scratch her bottom” which is her favorite thing. Naturally.
As my dad says “she’s got a face only a mother could love” and apparently she has a LOT of mothers. Here’s to you, Winnie-Woo!! Welcome to the blog….now here’s a treat.

DARE…

Nope, I’m not referring to “Just Say No”…I actually just found this article and the website for the new DARE. And I’ve been highly entertained and laughing for the last 10 minutes “leafing” (can you say that when you’re on the internet?) through it.

Enjoy, laugh, learn something maybe. But mostly just relish in the different words you might be tempted to begin using…

Nacho Friday

First of all, let me just wish you all a great big TGIF!! Secondly, I’d like to remind you, if I haven’t already, how much I LOVE where I work and what I do. As I was strolling through the office this morning sipping on my iced tea (with Sonic ice, mind you), I happened upon a few coworkers huddled around a crock pot.

Coworker 1: “It’s Nacho Friday!! Aren’t you excited??”

Me: “Umm…yes. That’s not even a valid question.” Though I’m on my diet for my friends wedding and will NOT be getting to participate. Sad

Me again: “This doesn’t look like Velveeta. This looks LEGIT.”

Coworker 2: “No way, baby, this is the REAL THING” as she pours more water into the mix…which I was unaware is how you made legit queso.

Me: “This is making me hungry for the first time since I went home yesterday sick from the taco salad I ate at lunch.” Yes…yesterday did not end well for me. Unless “well” means propped up over the toilet for a while and then laying in bed sipping Sprite. Stupid taco salad!! (I’m A-Okay today though, so no worries.)

Coworker 1: “We’re doing this every quarter now. It’s a new thing. J’s even run out to get jalapenos!”

Coworker 2: “Yep, you’ll be getting an email about it shortly. About 10 more minutes and we’ll be ready.”

Me: breaking into song a la Rod Stewart “Have I told…you lately…that I love you…”

So how about a big hip-hip-horray for Friday (albeit rainy), for Nacho Friday, and for the best place to work for with the best people…who just so happen to know how to make legit quesoYAY CHEESE!!

Their futures are so bright…


I took this picture at a work function a few weeks ago because I happened to look out the window at precisely the right time and spied what I think should be the newest ad in the Sunglass Hut catalog.  I’ll ignore the fact that they are wearing what look like THE SAME PAIR of sunglasses…perhaps this is the new hot thing the kids are doing these days.  Girls dressing like boys…boys wearing skinny jeans.  (But for REAL…what IS THAT about???)  I guess the stylings of Boy George and Andy Warhol are back.  Who knows…but I know I sure was hurtin’ for a pair after I saw this.  Only I wasn’t.

"Let the Rain Fall Down!!!"

What a rainy, unmotivating day! While I know I should be running around blowing kisses to the sky for pumping up our aquifer, does the weather really have to pack a 1-2 punch and give us 40 degree weather at the same time?

I LOVE a good thunderstorm–who doesn’t??–when I get to lie in my bed all day and watch Lifetime movies whilst drinking a big fat Diet Dr. Pepper. (HEAVEN. All I’m sayin’.) AND I love the cold weather during the “winter” season that we never, ever seem to get here in South Texas. But the combination of these two has proved to be a little much for me. I didn’t sign up to live in Seattle, thank you (and now, of course, I wouldn’t because I’m fearful of what I might say should I happen to run into The Bachelor, Jason and his new, new love Molly).

Most annoying, I think, was trying to figure out what to wear this morning. It’s really cold=sweater/layering, obvi. It’s raining cats & dogs=nothing white, nothing that shows rain drops, and nothing that will get wet and stay that way even after a good run through the hand dryers in the bathroom.

This posed a problem for me and caused me to become indifferent, which is highly dangerous when standing in your closet. You NEED strong feelings in your closet: “this looks hot!” “this makes me look like a fat dwarf!” “I’m so glad my mom never got rid of this!” “this must have jumped out of the Goodwill bag last spring!” You see my point. Indifference in your closet is what leads to you showing up at work with two different shoes on and a black top with brown pants.

So what did I end up in? A cream colored 3/4 length sweater, cords, a scarf and my heavy pea coat. SO. NOT. RAIN. FRIENDLY. Oh, and I left my umbrella at my desk at work last night. However…I’ve been very warm, cozy, and comfy all day long!!

Finally, I have had the Hilary Duff song “Let the Rain Fall Down” stuck in my head all day long. Thank you “The Hills” for permanently embedding that song (or at least a portion of it) into my brain. It’s the only song I come up with when it’s raining, it’s not that good, and if you know me, I have an admittedly VERY strong aversion to The Duff. I have no clue why, but everything she does makes me very upset. And she has horse/Chiclet teeth. There, I said it.

Amidst the rain, the outfit blunder, and the terrible looped theme song in my head, don’t cry for me Argentina, I have a fantastic night with girlfriends ahead of me. As they taught us in Rush, “always end on a positive” and I think I will!!

Have a great night & everyone stay warm and dry!!